My friend from high school has being doing blogs since the dawn of time, and when I went to vote for her blog for a contest, a surge of inspiration returned to me. I must continue my blogs. A couple of months ago I started two blogs (one about finding a job, the other just anything on my mind). Initially, my reason for doing so was the out of this world hope that I'd be discovered by someone of high importance and my blog(s) would be featured on some popular web site. That never happened. In fact, I don't really have any followers. So what am I doing back? Not sure. Maybe to get my thoughts out. Perhaps to shake things up at night (it's my mommy time). Or even to stop checking facebook every single second.
What have I been up to the last couple of months?
Pretty much the same thing. Elliot and I wake up, he has a bottle, take a nap, I eat breakfast, get us dressed, daddy (his) comes over, and we have family time for the rest of the day. Simple. Beautiful. Groundhog Day.
Don't get me wrong, I love my new family. I love the comments from random strangers and loved ones about how cute Elliot is. But there are three things missing. A job, money, and a place to call our own. I am sick of being stuck in my parents house. I see it as sad, pathetic, and not hopeful. Babies cry all the time, and I can handle Elliot's cries, but when my dad is home and he hears that, he automatically think something is wrong. Like screaming bloody murder wrong. And it's not like that at all. Elliot fights the sleep like Muhammad Ali. He cries and cries. And this is after he's fed, changed into a new diaper, and made sure nothing else is bothering him. He's been like this literally since he was born. And I explain that to my dad, but being in his elder years, it's like molasses-tough to get through.
All of my friends who have kids are on their own either with theirselves or spouses. I don't know anyone in my position. Sometimes during my mommy time I think to myself that this is the hard part in terms of being on hard times. I am blessed to still have a roof over my and Elliot's head, but I need to do something to show my parents that I want/need to get out. But what's holding me back? Jobs. Whether it's the economy or not, Jeff and I can not catch a break. Jeff had signed on with FedEx through a staffing place, but it's in Indiana, and if you know anything about the Sherman Minton bridge, you know that traveling to and from is possible, but extremly time consuming and annoying beyond belief. Also, there was an issue with his first check from orientation. Nearly after a MONTH of an 8 hour class, he finally recieved his check. He's now thinking if this is even worth it. Especially since it's a seasonal job with a potenial of becoming permanent. But he wouldn't know if that would be until December. And we can't move out with a seasonal job. It sucks, going back to square one, but I really can't blame him. Maybe God has something else in store for us.
So now it's my turn. I've been scouring craigslist.com, indeed.com, and careerbuilder.com everyday, and applying to a couple of jobs. Many of them are looking for people with a Bachelor's, or years of experience. I'm hardheaded in the sense that I still like retain what I call dignity when searching for a job. I don't want to work nights, weekends (especially Sundays), anywhere that requires a uniform, any food place, or retail. I completely understand that in tough times I have to let go a lot of the standards that I hold in order to get out and start a life for my family. But that's me. I can't explain it any other way. I feel that I could be more comfortable in an office setting. So that's what I'm looking now. I've also contacted my temp agency that I've been with for over a year now. Yet my phone has not recieved a call from them.
So for now, I have to let go and let God, and enjoy my family. I feel that if I get so caught up in trying to make a life for Elliot, Jeff and I, that I will miss out on the most important things. Elliot is my world. His smile lights up the darkest of the dark. There are more important things in life than worrying so much. Sometimes you just have to sit back and wait. Until then, I will breathe and slow down.
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